The Random Events of Bakura
by angelus-2040
Summary: [Previously called Dating Advice] Run while your sanity is still intact people, run while you still can, Chapter 4, How to Hypnotize people can Bakura take over the world with the ability to rule peoples minds Ryou doesn't think so...WARNING, lot of swear
1. Dating Advice

angelus: I'm bored, and my friend, syphon made me do this, she said everyone should know about this so here it is.  
  
Disclaimer and Warnings: Don't own anything, not Foamy or Yu-gi-oh, THIS HAS A LOT OF SWEARING AND INSULTING RANDOM PEOPLE, BLAH BLAH BLAH WHO CARES ON WITH THE FIC  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
DATING ADVICE  
  
By yours truly The Lord and Master Bakura.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bakura began setting up the camera in the middle of his room; so his room was a little messy, screw it. The media teacher wanted him to make a show on how to help people he would do a show to 'help' people, but by Ra he was going to do it his own fucking way and no one could stop him.  
  
Okay the Pharaoh could try and that bastard with the turban could take away his ring but who cares he was doing homework, that would make Ryou happy. And stop him complaining.  
  
"Fucking hell if I hear one more complaint on why I should do this fucking shit one more time I am going to ring his pale neck until his face goes blue, then I'm going to cut his fucking guts out and paint the city red Ra damn it!" Bakura's muttering continued on like this until the camera was ready.  
  
He pointed the camera at the chair he would be sitting on and then pressed the record button. Hurrying over to the chair Bakura sat down and made himself comfortable, it only had to be around ten minutes long.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next day Bakura and Ryou walked into the classroom, Bakura for once, was on time. The albino duo went to their seats in the classroom.  
  
The yami of Malik, Marik nudged the tombrobber as he slouched in his chair, "So," the psychopathic yami asked, "Did Ryou get you to do it?"  
  
"Yes," came the curt answer.  
  
"What threat did he use this time?"  
  
Bakura sighed, "Not only did he use the puppy eyes, he also said no cooking. And since I've been forbidden to do any harm on him," the spirit trailed off.  
  
"Sucks to be you don't it."  
  
"There was no rule that said I couldn't kill you Marik."  
  
The blonde psycho grinned, "But isn't now forbidden to-"  
  
"Hurt anyone with an innocent soul, I seriously doubt you are apart of that group Marik."  
  
Marik snickered, "You got that right."  
  
"Ishtar and Bakura, be quiet!" the stupid media teacher said.  
  
The glares that were directed at him could have frozen hell itself.  
  
The Pharaoh glanced back at them and smirked, Bakura sighed, why the whole group had to be here in all of his classes was beyond him, I mean what had he ever done to deserve it.  
  
Apart from stealing a few gold pieces, breaking into a few tombs and killing a few people.  
  
Really what on earth had he done wrong?  
  
The teacher tuned back to the class, "Okay students we seem to have a special treat for you people today, it seems that Bakura actually decided to do his homework for once therefore he shall be first. And what was the subject I gave to you, ahh yes, it was dating advice."  
  
The whole class giggled.  
  
Bakura scowled the whole time as he walked up to the teacher and as he gave him the tape Bakura said, "One day I will find you and put you in your grave, and I will be dancing on it."  
  
With that Bakura turned around and slouched in his chair once again.  
  
The teacher, visibly shaken, and who wouldn't be, put the video and the VCR and turned it on.  
  
The picture flickered a few times before a picture of Bakura sitting in a chair came on to the screen, scowling at the class even through the T.V he leaned forward.  
  
The he spoke.  
  
"This is going to be dating advice from your soon to be lord & master.... Bakura." At this Yami obviously annoyed glanced at Bakura who just smirked and flipped him off, the rest of the class just shook their heads. They always knew that Bakura had a few screws loose.  
  
"Alright you women out there, listen closely, I'll only be saying this once and once only. There are two main types of guys you should look out for, the type of guy who is driving around listening to fucking dance music like Zombie Nation and stupid dumbass songs from the mid 90's that no body gives a shit about. Y'know they turn it up really loud to get your attention while driving by, as if your going to throw yourself on top of the car and start pounding on the windshield and say "Oh, I love you because your playing Zombie Nation!" Yeah okay. What the fuck ever. What you need to do is, aim for the tires and fucking blow those shits out and then he will crash into a telephone pole."  
  
At these few remarks the teacher looked ready to turn it off but the class had other ideas.  
  
They were finding it hilarious, except of course for those who actually listen to Zombie Nation.  
  
The video of Bakura continued.  
  
"Fuck that shit, and watch out for those guys who come over on the weekend and all they do is watch football and then every five minutes they say 'Hey babe, can you get me a beer from the fridge?' Fuck that shit! Tell that fat bastard to get up and get it himself. If he gives you a response like 'Well, I work all week' Well, you know what? I'm sure most of you women out there work all week and have to take care of a fucking child. Tell this fat bastard to get up and get his own beer. Tell him it's the least you can do since you've been carrying a child around in your stomach for nine months. These lazy fucking bastards just fucking piss me off! And watch out for guys that call you by pet names more than they do your own name, and if they ever refer to you as 'my girl' you drop that fucker like a rock"  
  
The girls seemed to find most of this information very interesting.  
  
"Now here is one for the guys.  
  
Don't worry; there are women you should be looking out for too. Alright, like for example women that dress like damn sluts, you don't want to be affiliated with them. If you can see more cleavage than a plumber's ass, don't get involved. It's just going to cause problems when you decide to become possessive and domineering over their life."  
  
Now it was the guys' turn to be interested.  
  
"Also watch out for women that wear expensive jewellery. You know, the kind of fucking bitch that has 15 different kinds of rings on each finger. Oh, and people with nameplates. You know, those fucking women who have their names on this little chain as if they'd fucking forget and then women who have their own name tattooed on their own body. It's just stupid. Like, are they really THAT stupid that they wake up in the morning and say "Oh my god! What's my name?" and they have to look at their ass in the mirror to find out who they are, "Oh that's right, I'm Amy." give me a fucking break! You don't want to deal with a woman who doesn't know who they are. Oh, and here is a good test when your window shopping, if they pull you by your arm to a jewellery window, smash their hand into the window and run because you don't want to deal with some money hungry bitch."  
  
Now the girls didn't like that one, Bakura going to get it when they were allowed out of their seats.  
  
"My only piece of advice to have a sound relationship is to leave each other alone. Don't be overly concerned. Don't try to domineer them, Let them be independent. Let them do what they want. You think you people can understand that? But yeah, there are some reasons to be suspicious. Like if your girlfriend walks in the room with a condom on her head then you know you may want to ask a few questions but other than that try to trust the individual. If it doesn't work out, you know what? Fuck them! Let them drop dead from some weird disease. And die. You're better than that and you don't have to validate yourself through another person's life. Every individual is an island and can be an island. You do not need a significant other to live life. So stop seeking something that isn't there and move on."  
  
Without another word Bakura in the screen stood up and moved to the camera and as the picture went black they could hear evil laughter and one last word.  
  
"Suckers."  
  
The teacher switched the T.V. off, "Now class, that is the exact opposite of what I would want to see in your projects, Bakura, you failed."  
  
Bakura threw back his head and laughed, "Like I fucking care old man, just crawl back to wherever you came from and die, because I don't want to hear your annoying whining any more."  
  
Ryou just slowly shook his head.  
  
So much for getting his yami to do well in school.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
angelus: well how was that, stupid, funny, you know what I don't care if you wanna flame go ahead, my only excuse is that I was bored, however if I get over twenty reviews I might just write another of these little skits, but I seriously doubt that's gonna happen so this shall remain as a one shot so sucked in! HA! 


	2. Fatkins Diet

angelus: well since you guys gave me more reviews then I thought I would get I decided to continue with the fic, and yeah I did change the title although if someone can give me a better name I'd be more then happy to use it and give ya the credit. And this fic will be updated randomly kay I'll just do it when I can't be bothered writing romance.  
  
Disclaimer: did that in the first chapter so get lost!  
  
Warnings: Swearing, slight sexual references and everyone being OOC all well it is humour  
  
Fat-Kins Diet  
  
The glaring from the women was getting to him Bakura decided. So he had been a little over board in the 'dating advice' so what, it wasn't going to kill them. And neither could Bakura.  
  
Damn it why did Ra have to be so against him, Bakura could tell the moment the class was allowed out of their seats he was going to be in for it, and what was worse he had Home Economics next. Another assignment was due in it, this time it was an oral.  
  
At that thought Bakura's mind left his head and went straight to his pants, making him smirk.  
  
Ryou glanced over at Bakura, 'What the hell was he thinking,' Ryou wondered, then he gave a mental sigh, probably about how he was going to rule the world again, that or sex. Ryou wouldn't exactly put it passed him and there was no way Ryou was going to check this time, last time had been bad enough.  
  
Ryou groaned and put his head on the desk, the teacher was putting in another tape, which just happened to be Yami's, oh and what was that you asked, 'What did Yami get to tape?' Take one guess. It was one of the only things that Yami could do and just happened to be the King of Games because of it.  
  
Yep you guessed it, Yami had the lucky job on giving advice and tips on Duel Monsters. Wonderful, this tape was going to go for an hour.  
  
Then before the teacher could insert the tape the bell went, lucky for them.  
  
Bakura was shot out of his daze when the bell had gone off, "Stupid bell" he muttered, "ruins all my fun, just like the porcupine (Yami)."  
  
Marik grinned at Bakura, "Well Bakura, have fun in Home Economics," he said laughing.  
  
"Shut up Marik! I didn't have much of a choice."  
  
This was true, as an attempt to keep Bakura from Mutilating everyone, as he wasn't allowed to kill, (actually he wasn't allowed to mutilate things either, but if Bakura wasn't allowed to do that, well can you say apocalypse) Destroying the school by blowing it sky high or burning it to the ground, which wasn't that bad an idea but the fact that when Bakura couldn't keep his mouth shut when he had done something mean or evil would mean that he would be caught pretty quickly.  
  
Ryou had taken Bakura to every one of his classes, including...  
  
Poetry class.  
  
Poor, poor Bakura.  
  
Well anyway back to where Marik was laughing at Bakura...  
  
"Look on the bright side Bakura, from the glares your getting, I'll doubt you will make it out alive to Home Ec."  
  
Bakura just seemed to realise how bad the situation was, not only that but it seemed that the Pharaoh and his little followers seemed to be laughing at him from a distance. No one should laugh at the King of Thieves!  
  
So to get him out of his situation he grabbed Marik, who was still laughing and used him as a human shield to get out of there.  
  
Lets just say Marik wasn't very happy, but I'll spare you the gory details and we will skip to Bakura's next class, Home Economics.  
  
"Alright class," said the annoyingly cheerful teacher, "your orals are due today and I hope your all ready for them." She continued to smile that sickly sweet smile that made Bakura want to puke.  
  
The class, which was mostly females, who just happened to be from media, and a few males, nodded.  
  
"Okay then, lets see now, Bakura you go first! You had the 'How do you feel about dieting' and you were going to focus on the Fat-kins diet right?" she smiled again, something about her made Bakura freak out sometimes. And what was with making him go first all the time. "And I hope this time Bakura that you did some research," she added.  
  
Oh yeah Bakura remembered the research.  
  
Flash back  
  
"Ryou! How the hell do you work this box thing and make it connect to that place where you go to a lot?"  
  
Ryou sighed and walked to where Bakura was sitting, "Look first you press this button here," he said speaking as if Bakura was a child, "then you wait until it is uploaded... Ah there we go and then we click on this now type in what you want and there you have it, instant information!"  
  
"Remind me Ryou, why am I doing this again?"  
  
"Because if you don't you will starve Bakura."  
  
"You know Ryou, for someone who is supposed to be really nice you can be downright evil sometimes."  
  
"Well, if you do this I'll get you a bagel and a waffle sundae, you seem to like them a lot." With that Ryou went back to doing whatever the hell he was doing in the first place.  
  
"Stupid Ryou," Bakura muttered, "how dare he speak to me as if I was an idiot, me, the future ruler of the world." Bakura began his evil laugh until someone (AKA Ryou) threw something at him yelling "Shut up!"  
  
After Bakura recovered from the abuse he quickly scanned the information, then he remembered this was the diet that girl he had gone out with was on. Geez, all he was looking for was to get laid bad her insistent chatter quickly killed the mood.  
  
Then Bakura had a brainwave, if he could get anything he wanted, well what would happen if he typed porn in.  
  
Needless to say Bakura had been glued to the screen for the rest of the day.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Bakura glanced at the teacher, yeah he did the research alright, and after that he had gotten Ryou to write out the oral. Bakura quickly glanced at the palm cards, what kind of shit was this? Bakura threw down the cards in disgust, oh well he would have to wing it.  
  
Bakura cleared his throat and began...  
  
"Now what did I think of the Fat-kins diet, well let me think for a second, oh wait I already know, I'm fuckin' sick of the Fat-kins diet. You fuckin' carb-counting assholes really need to stop. Every single girl I go out with so I can get laid looks at the fucking food and says, 'Oh I can't eat that, it has carbs...' Well you know what, you need carbs, if you don't have carbs your brain rots and your liver gets damaged. Nice, real nice. You're thin, and have some weird ass mental disease and a bad liver. Yep, the vanity is worth it.  
  
I'm also sick of this fuckin' exchange program, where you minus the fibre grams from the fat grams and the carb grams, to determine what the carb ratio is in your food. Fuck that. When I pick up food I'm not gonna start doing addition and subtraction to see if it's a fuckin' meal I can eat. How about just minusing some fuckin' food from your every day eating binges you fat bastards. Stop looking to some dead man for a quick fix diet and just eat like a sensible human being.  
  
I don't look fat do I?  
  
You wanna know why?  
  
It's because I exercise by running from the guards or as you people call it, 'police' whenever I take something that rightfully belongs to me!  
  
So stop being so concerned about your image and just be yourself. If you're a fat bastard, fine, be a fat bastard. If you're an anorexic jack-ass with a thyroid problem, fine...be a twig. Stop doing all these unnecessary diets.  
  
Cause you know, once you get down to your goal weight, you're gonna be like: 'Sure, I can have an extra piece of cake, look at all the weight I lost'. Then before you know it, your back on a diet cause your ass is fallin' out of your jeans.  
  
Just be yourself, eat that Twinkie, enjoy that cake, and buy that extra pound of gourmet cream cheese you always wanted!!! And if people look at you funny because you're too fat or too skinny, tell em to fuck off and die. You do not need to adhere to the idealistic vision of beauty marketed by fashion magazines and negatively re-enforced by a society dumb enough to believe that beauty only appears on the cover of a magazine.  
  
Fuck them all!!!  
  
Now Ryou where's my waffle sundae? And get me my bagel while you're at it."  
  
Class:   
  
Ryou: --;  
  
Teacher: wow Bakura you actually did some research, I'm so proud of you, your growing up to be a smart young man. Full marks. Oh and by the way what did you mean about taking something that rightfully belongs to you.  
  
Bakura gave her a weird look and thought 'Was she even listening to a word I said' and then out loud "Everything belongs to me because one day I will rule the world!" insert evil laughter here  
  
The teacher gave him another ditzy smile, "Oh good on you for having such high goals, and if you can't make it as ruler of the world you can always just rule Japan. You can sit down now"  
  
Bakura quickly walked over to Ryou and sat down; Ryou gave him a glare "Your not getting anything for the next month Bakura, or until you control that vile mouth of yours."  
  
Bakura crossed his arms like a sullen child, "Bastard."  
  
Ryou's response was to grab the frying pan and wack him on the head with it.  
  
Bakura:   
  
Class: --;  
  
Teacher:   
  
Ryou .  
  
And there you have it another chapter and a warning none of my stories are going to be updated until my TEE exams are over so don't bother telling me to update sooner  
  
Review Replies  
  
Shadow Guardian of the Gate: You know it's because of people like you that makes me write ano0ther chapter you guys really need to stop doing that and praising me before my ego grows to large  
  
prematureangel529: Sorry can't do all those I was only going to do random skits that were connected in some weird way but I hope you enjoyed the chapter none the less  
  
DreamingChild: Probably and Zombie Nation is an awful techno band I don't really know much about them other then that, I just ask my friend, and yeah Bakura doesn't go on 'dates' he goes to dinner with random girls to get laid  
  
belle-fille1: Thanks, but I didn't get twenty reviews sighs I just expect too much from people but I'll continue this for those who did.  
  
Redconvoy: Hell yeah Foamy rocks and have you seen the new ep, it's so true, and look I did you idea and maybe you know which one I'm doing next, there was a hint in it  
  
FearOfDying: Well that's reality for ya no one ever tells you who to look out for, luckily for us we have Bakura... Actually I don't know if that's a good thing or not.  
  
Rowan Girl: Yes I agree with you, however teachers are pretty stupid despite the fact they teach us crap, which means generation after generation it gets worse, we must break the cycle strikes pose actually just ignore what I just said... I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
  
Princess Krystal01: I know, damn teachers!  
  
Cyber-Fairy17: Thanks I'm glad some people like my work heres another.  
  
heath 999: Glad you liked it  
  
Maxine Pegasus J.Crawford XIII: You know with all these praises it's gonna go to my head, I just know it, but please feel free to keep doing so   
  
Sailor Tiamat: Yes the girls have yet to get there revenge yet hehe that's going to be fun watching Bakura running all over the school trying to dodge them, but they well get their revenge, I promise.  
  
Review please...  
  
OR ELSE! 


	3. Poetry and Revenge of the Females

I have survived, yes people I am back and I have survived my god-forsaken exams to bring you another chapter as my brothers and friends seem to enjoy this story the most and have told me if I don't do a chapter soon they will all spontaneously combust.  
  
I don't know if that is a bad thing yet.  
  
Disclaimer and Warnings: This is getting old surely if you have made it to this chapter without screaming 'AAAAGGGHHH MY VIRGEN EYES!!!' yet, you can probably continue.  
  
This chapter is dedicated to all of my teachers who forced me to study and in doing so have made me take out my frustration out on Bakura.  
  
I give you...

Poetry and Revenge of the Females

(Oh no run Bakura, or rather don't, cackles evilly)

The world was spinning and yet it was really dark.  
  
Who had turned off the Ra-damned lights!  
  
Bakura groaned as he heard a faint calling out to him in the distance.  
  
"Bakura," came the soft voice, it had an annoyingly sickly sweet sound to it he realised.  
  
"Bakura, please, you have to get up."  
  
'No' Bakura thought stubbornly 'I want to stay here, where there is no more annoying assignments or tests and especially no Pharaoh and his stuck up good for nothing friends.'  
  
"Bakura!"  
  
Then came a wave of freezing cold water dragging Bakura back to consciousness. He quickly sat up yelling "What the fuck?"  
  
There in front of him stood, grinning I might add, his good for nothing hikari holding a bucket of, what used to be inside, water.  
  
"I knew that would get you up Bakura," Ryou said smiling.  
  
Bakura raised his hands to his head, "What in Ra's name are you on today? First you hit me with a frying pan, then you force me awake by dumping a bucket of WATER on ME! When I catch you I'm gonna-"  
  
"Bakura," the teacher said for some strange reason still smiling, (There had to be something going around Bakura decided) "I'm going to allow you to skip the rest of class to get changed so you don't get a cold."  
  
At this Bakura smirked, this was great now if he played his cards right he would not only get out of this class but he would also get out of the rest of the day. All he had to do was act as if he had a concussion and everything would be great, no better then great because he would be out of this hellhole.  
  
Unfortunately for him Ryou had already caught onto his plan and he was going to put a stop to it. "Once you're finished your going to meet me outside of poetry class, right Bakura?"  
  
Damn it since when did Ryou became so smart.  
  
Or maybe he was just slipping...  
  
Nah the mighty Bakura King of Thieves never made a mistake, Ryou must've read his mind or something.  
  
Sighing Bakura left the room, unknown to him though a few girls were hatching a devious plan. And once they caught Bakura...  
  
Well let's just say he would be scarred for life.Bakura s l o w l y walked to his next class, the brand new clothes were itchy, not to mention stiff. In the empty halls he suddenly heard the sound of footsteps. He began to walk faster.  
  
The footsteps increased in speed as well.  
  
Then Bakura turned around his eyes widened in horror, it was the females from the media class.  
  
He began to run.  
  
But there was a slight problem, the rest of them were in front of him. Bakura came to a stop, yet the mighty King of Thieves was not beat yet, no.  
  
A good thief always has a second escape plan.  
  
With that Bakura concentrated and his Millennium Ring appeared.  
  
Bakura smirked, "Good luck Ryou, you're going to need it."  
  
And with that the yami disappeared and the hikari appeared in a flash of bright light.  
  
Ryou blinked as he saw the hordes of girls heading towards him, and from the looks of things they didn't look like they were going to say hello.  
  
Throughout the school a scream was heard.Bakura sauntered into the classroom smirking as he heard the high pitched wail, ha the no good frying pan hitting freak had it coming to him. Bakura sat down at the very back, there was yet another assignment due in this class, he had to read out a poem, it wasn't to bad Bakura thought, but after that he was free!  
  
The teacher walked in "Alright, let's get down to business, Raven your up first."  
  
A girl with short purple hair walked up to the front of the room, she was a Goth so everyone knew what her poem was going to be like.  
  
Raven began.  
  
"Darkness is the souls of mortals. The coil of lice that surrounds them, blame your idols for things that fail. All is their fault as you dismiss responsibility. Your inane points of view reek of insecurity and your love is as thin as this plastic world. Your name is not known to the masses and as time passes, you are a rotting corpse that breathes.  
  
Thank you."  
  
She began to walk back to her seat when some overly perverted male shouted out, "I think that would have been better if you were naked." Raven glared at him and sat down as the rest of the class cracked up laughing.  
  
"Oi, everyone shut up, Kuwabara your next."  
  
At this a tall red headed male walked to the front of the class. 'Well this ought to be interesting' Bakura thought, Kuwabara wasn't the most intelligent person around.  
  
"Pot. Pot is like hot Things that are not cool like school, And people that are tools like fools. Ah... Let me be high, man."  
  
(A/N Yes I know OOC but hey I don't particularly care for those of you who have seen Yu Yu Hakusho)  
  
With that the red head sat down, there was a smattering of applause.  
  
"Uh huh," the teacher said, bored, "Next, Bakura."  
  
Bakura smirked as he walked up to the front of the class and then he began his 'wonderful piece of art'.  
  
"The yami is master of all that has lasted. Time, space... nothing. Obey the lord, obey the master. I am the only one. Concern yourself not with the reason of being. I am your answer, fear none but me. I'm the master, of all that will be. Obey fools!"  
  
There was a silence, and then the Bakura gave an evil glare over the class, one of which promised extreme pain to those who laughed at him.  
  
The sound of applause echoed throughout the halls of the school."Ryou has promised to bring Bakura to us at the end of school."  
  
"Alright, is everything prepared."  
  
"Yes"

When Bakura saw Ryou he was quite surprised at the fact tact nothing was wrong with him, the look in the girls eyes had promised murder. He then shrugged it off as nothing and continued his conversation with Marik.  
  
"-we need a lot of gunpowder," Marik finished saying.  
  
Bakura blinked, what the hell was he going on about.  
  
"Bakura," Ryou said grabbing his shoulder, "I want to talk to you about something," he sent a look in Mariks direction, "alone," he added pointedly.  
  
"Whatever, see you at the anger management classes later Bakura" with that Marik left the two of them.  
  
Ryou gave Bakura a look, "Follow me." With that he turned and walked away with Bakura following, he had nothing better to do.  
  
They walked down into a deserted, dark classroom when Bakura got impatient, "Ryou what to you want, Ryou? Where are you Ryou?"  
  
The only answer he got was the closing of the door.On the other side Ryou was shaking hands with two girls, "Alright I did my side of the deal Tiamat and D.C. but please don't hurt him too much."  
  
D.C. cackled and rubbed her hands together, "Oh don't worry we won't hurt him... much!"  
  
Tiamat sighed "We're not going to hurt him D.C. just embarrass him."  
  
D.C. gave her infamous puppy eyes, "Can't I just-"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please."  
  
"No!"  
  
Ryou left the two girls arguing wondering what was going to happen to Bakura._Five minutes later_  
  
"No, not that anything but that."  
  
"You must learn your lesson Bakura"  
  
"We've got what you asked for"  
  
"Great now the real fun begins, secure those ropes peoples and lets start."  
  
There was a sound of clothes tearing.  
  
"Stop it, hey watch were you stick that thing."  
  
"Hold still."  
  
"What are you going to do with that, oh no, oh fuck no THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I'M PUTTING THAT ON."  
  
"It's either that or..."  
  
The noise of a whip was heard.  
  
"I'll go with the first thing."  
  
"I knew you'd see it our way"  
  
"Ryou's fucking dead when I get out of here"Bakura peered around the corner making sure there was no one around. Once he was sure he ran around the corner when he suddenly bumped into someone. Both people fell down.  
  
"Sorry miss I didn't see... Bakura?"  
  
Ryou's eyes widened, Bakura had, to put it simply had a makeover...  
  
As a girl.  
  
And he was wearing the Domino High girls uniform.  
  
Ryou tried so hard not to laugh but he failed miserably. He stopped though when Bakura tackled him snarling, 'I'm going to kill you Ryou, I'm going to rip out your eyes and-"  
  
"Wait Bakura I can help you."  
  
Bakura looked at him suspiciously, "How?"  
  
"You can go into your soul room, I'll take you home and then we can go to your classes."  
  
"You buy pizza tonight and I'll let you off."  
  
"Deal."  
  
The two men shook hands and then Bakura disappeared into his soul room.  
  
Ryou then gave a Bakura-like smirk and held out his non-flash camera.  
  
The picture of Bakura in drag was going to be excellent blackmail.  
  
There must be something to water that was going around Domino High this week.Not as funny as the first two but you get that, I'll be updating my other fics soon so don't worry, now that everything is finished, though I still have school.  
  
Review Replies.  
  
Maxine Pegasus J.Crawford XIII: Maybe I should quit my day job and just write if I continue getting these reviews  
  
Vaz1201 and Demona: Well it wasn't soon but it's here now right... Please don't hurt me Demona!  
  
Shadow Guardian of the Gate: Hell yeah I give ya full permission to do so, snickers I just wish I could see those faces, people on diets are sad when they don't need to lose the weight, how could they miss out on all that beautiful food  
  
FearOfDying: Hehe wait for a few chapters then you'll hear Marik and Malik ranting as well   
  
Sailor Tiamat: Neither did I, and I hope you don't mind me using your name.  
  
DreamingChild: Sure you did join in, you were the one with the whip, hope you liked it.  
  
Professor Rose Thorn: Well Bakura is King of Thieves in Egypt while Aladdin's dad was King of Thieves in Arabia, see and yes the teacher was actually high, and ditsy and about the waffle sundae, well I was having cravings and I really wanted one, my brother was eating one in front of me, cruel siblings  
  
Tristeza: Nice doggy uh nice d-d-dog-gy please don't hurt me I was typing has fast as I could and I like my nose right were it is 


	4. Hypnotize

Angelus: I have returned to give you yet another random event that happened with everyone's favourite yami Bakura

Enjoy

How to Hypnotise People

Ryou got home without any further events or attacks and now Bakura was in the shower at the moment scrubbing off any remains of makeup and the memory of the event. There had seemed to be a lot of extra touching that was not needed.

"Please hurry up Bakura, your classes begin in a half an hour and I want to pick up my book," Ryou shouted up to Bakura. The sound of water running stopped and Bakura's muffled voice shouted back, "I'll take as long as I like stupid yadonushi" (A/N Host or Landlord what Bakura calls Ryou in the Japanese anime).

At this Ryou grinned, "Not anymore Bakura, after today I'll have the perfect blackmail." Ryou laughed to himself.

Bakura walked around the corner seeing Ryou laughing to himself and shook his head and mumbled to himself, "I must be driving that idiot insane, oh well." He raised his voice, "Aren't we supposed to be going somewhere…"

Ryou shook himself out of his thoughts and nodded "Yes, first I want to pick up my book before they close." With that the two albinos left the house.

Ryou parked in front of the store and undid his seatbelt, turning to Bakura he said please just stay here and don't cause any trouble, I won't be more then a minute."

Bakura just scowled and ignored him, Ryou heaved a sigh and left the car. The moment Ryou shut the door Bakura undid his seatbelt and left the car. "Like that fucking idiot can tell me what to do." Bakura was about to follow Ryou into the store when someone called him.

Correction someone had taken him for Ryou.

Now there was something Bakura absolutely hated, and that was being called by his lights name, that is when he wasn't acting like Ryou. That was the only time he accepted it as it showed how great his acting skills were.

"Hey Ryou we want something from you, you little bastard."

Five ugly idiots surrounded Bakura believing that had some advantage over Bakura, those poor fools. Bakura kept his head lowered, but he had recognised them almost straight away from their uniforms, they were from Rintama high school, their leader was Hirutani. Last time Yami had taken them out for harming Jonouchi, and if Bakura remembered rightly he had electrocuted them. Hirutani's gang had been out for blood ever since but were to afraid to take on Yami even Honda and Jonouchi, but Ryou however was counted as one of the Pharaohs friends but he wasn't with them which made him fair game.

Or so they thought.

"We want to give a little message to Jonouchi and that little brat Yugi," Hirutani said trying to be intimidating, "please follow us."

Bakura was at a loss. What should he do?

Kill them straight away or have some fun first.

Well he did have to wait for Ryou so he thought that might as well have some fun first. Bakura followed them down into the darkness of the ally and smirked. He began to ready his Ring when who should show up, his own personal retainer Shadi. He just looked at him. Bakura scowled knowing what he was there for, Shadi seemed to have an uncanny ability to know when Bakura was going to do something that was against the 'rules'. "Why can't I just torture them a bit," Shadi raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Knife them," another shake of the head

"I won't kill them," another shake.

"How about a Shadow game," yet another.

"What are you my fucking father, you're ruining everything." This time the other eyebrow was raised.

"But I want to kill them, I want to kill something," Bakura said stamping his foot like a child.

Rintama gang during this time were confused, the person who was Ryou was talking to thin air, maybe he was a schizophrenic, whatever it was it was freaky.

The looks that Bakura was getting were not to his liking, why did the Pharaoh get to play shadow games while he got to do nothing it wasn't fair, just because Yami saved the world and shit they all took his side.

"Bah fine," Bakura reached for a duel monster trap card, the millennium ring glowed and the five-gang members were trapped. Bakura narrowed his eyes, "You idiots are so lucky he is here," pointing his finger at Shadi who the Rintama gang could not see. With that Bakura staked off leaving them to their thoughts.

"So does this mean we were saved by a voice in that freaks head," one of them asked, unfortunately it was slightly too loud and Bakura heard. Twisting around he brought his switchblade out and was about to throw it when Shadi crossed his arms and looked meaningfully at the millennium ring.

Bakura growled, "Aw shit," and threw the knife so it landed right between Hirutani's legs. Hirutani went pale as Bakura smirked feeling slightly better, "You come near me again," Bakura whispered, "I'll castrate you." This time Bakura left for good leaving the gang speechless.

Bakura stomped into the store, what the hell was taking Ryou so long, he was so bored Ra damn it. Then something caught his eye it was a book but if he mastered the skills in it he might be able to use it on Shadi, and he knew the perfect person to try it on.

Fifteen minutes later Ryou was now looking for Bakura, if only he did as he was told they wouldn't have gotten into this mess. Someone grabbed Ryou by the shoulder, it was Bakura.

"Hey Ryou I've been reading this book right, and I think I've completely and totally mastered it…" Bakura shoved the book into his face, it was titled 'How to Hypnotise People'. Ryou was in a state of shock, Bakura never read books, he watched the movies and then complained about the crappy acting skills.

Then Bakura interrupted his thoughts, "So here's what I'm gonna do; I'm going to hypnotize you. Then I'll get you to do stuff, right… watch, watch!"

Faint creepy music seeped into the background as Bakura stared right into Ryou's eyes and started to wave his fingers about saying "I am hypnotizing you!... I am hypnotizing you! You will be under my complete control! Because I am hypnotizing you, you are now completely under my control. And you have been completely hypnotized"

Bakura paused for a bit, and then he said; "Now you will give me all your money!"

Ryou raised an eyebrow, "No."

"Give me all your money!"

Where was that freaky music coming from, "Not gonna do it."

Bakura looked slightly confused, "But you are hypnotized and cannot resist."

Ryou shook his head.

"I hypnotised you!" Bakura would not give up!

"No!" Ryou said starting to sound frustrated.

"Come on! Please. Come on I really read the book this has gotta work."

Ryou sighed, "You're out of your mind."

At this Bakura rolled his eyes, "Tell me something I don't know or better yet show me, like… you giving me all your money… now!

"The money is mine Bakura." 

Bakura groaned, "You know what that fucking book lied to me… this sucks! Fuck it man, hold on I'll be right back I'll just get a gun and hold you up at gun point it's a lot easier that way."

"But you're not supposed to do anything violent Bakura," Ryou said to Bakura's back slightly worried.

Bakura shrugged, "Then I'll just get that photo where you're hugging that teddy bear and sucking your thumb, same difference. Either that or I'll go steal the Millennium Rod off the little dwarf and get it that way either way I will get your money and after that Japan and then the WORLD!" Bakura gave into the urge to laugh like a maniac."

Ryou: --;

Ryou quickly looked for something to distract Bakura with, once he got into these 'Take-over-the-world' speeches it took him hours to get him to shut up. "But… but… but" he spluttered, "your anger management classes are beginning," he looked at his watch, "now."

Bakura gave a heavy sigh, "Fine but you still owe me all your money."

Ryou began hitting his head against the wall.

Angelus: I would like to thank all of the reviewers and to all those who do read this but don't review. Anyways sorry this came out late and it will take a while for other chapters from my other fics to come out because out Internet has really fucked up lately it's freaking annoying. I also had some personal issues to work out, if anyone wants to know Vampire Game well soon be up as will be Lust Desire or None of the Above.

Oh well Please Review.


End file.
